I have been a bit quiet this week. I have just coined this new phrase in honour of the stuckness I have been experiencing. Work has been a pig; a constant stream of anticipation and failure both making me feel like I’m underperforming and letting people down, rather than it being the fault of the real culprits.
So, knowing that this job is really doomed to failure, I have applied for and been shortlisetd for another in the same place, ostensibly working for different people but really subject to the same kind of stresses and strains.
The idea behind me toeing the water of the world of work was to try and rebuild my CV which, after two breakdowns, is not easy. One post was supposedly very titchy, supposedly only 75 hours a year – I had already done two thirds of it by Christmas and only started mid November. The second job was, is, an attempt to get something a bit more marketable on my CV. I’m not kidding myself, the work will be no more or less challenging than anything else I have done since I graduated, but the job title is “better”; has better prospects, I suppose. In the world of the Admin Assistant, the Project Co-ordinator is king.
According to Cheryl, my feelings of doom and gloom are inevitable at the moment because of a giant cosmic whirl (I’m paraphrasing very heavily now, blame me for that not her); hopefully, if she is right, after the 29th (the day I get my letter of appointment?) things will take a turn for the better.