I am feeling very odd.
Today was the first day back at work and of course, I am not there. To say that this is, in many ways, a huge relief is a massive understatement. The relief is tinged with real fear about the future and I waiver wildly between feeling unusual optimism and the pit of despair. Ho hum. To give up a job, any job, seems foolish and melodramatic but to give up something that is making you sick to the bottom of your soul ….
Aside from all the mental turmoil, today I have achieved the following:
- steam cleaned the kitchen
- reported our broken boiler and am awaiting boiler repairman (no mean feat when you are not even inclined to let your own mother into the house of doom)
- tidied the living room (almost took down tree but twelth night paranoia stopped me)
- made lentil soup with Christmas ham stock
- phoned Carers Champions
- phoned Simply Counselling (a counselling service for stroke survivors and their families)
I thought I was on a fairly even keel with it all but when I was leaving Simply Counselling a message I got quite choked. I do feel robbed and bereft and angry, so very angry …
I am now waiting for DWP to phone so I may do some baking – it’s a bit like fags and buses – they are bound to phone when I am elbow deep in flour.
In other news, Adult Social Care have granted me a lovely amount of money in order to purchase some driving lessons, so hooray for them